Nothing More Than Memories
by ficusmarie
Summary: “I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed. Disappointed of what happened between us, what we lost, and who you have become. That’s all Snape. No hate.”


**Nothing More Than Memories**

**By HoMeSlIcE4LiFe**

June 1978

He was almost a grown man now. He was eighteen, with a mature boyish look. He was not handsome, nor was he popular. He had no real friends. His friends used him for their benefit and amusement. He was the smartest kid in his house, and knew that he was going places. Whether it was a good or bad place, he'd be at the top. But none of that mattered anymore. At least, not like it did in his youth. Nothing seemed to matter since he lost her, the woman he loved. He was nothing to her anymore. She wanted nothing to do with him. She even refused to look at him. Sometimes, at night, he would dream of her, and what they once had. He missed her, and with tonight being their last night in Hogwarts, he would try just one final time. Then, he would give up.

January 30 1972

"Happy Birthday, Lily," said Severus Snape in a rather squeaky voice as he sat himself beside Lily Evans, who was busying herself with studying.

She looked up from her books and gave him a happy smile. "Oh, Sev, you really didn't have to," she said.

Severus smiled back. "I know. But I wanted to. Now quit is, and just open your present, Lily," he laughed.

She gave a small sigh, but obliged the boy's wishes. Opening the present, she saw that it was a muggle camera. Since they met, she's always wanted a camera. She gave him a large smile. "Oh, Sev, thank you so much!" she cried.

Snape smiled. He loved seeing her this happy. "It's so we can chronicalize our lives together," he said.

She looked up at him. "Come here, Sev, let's take our picture together."

Snape and Lily brought their heads together. With wide smiles, Lily took the picture.

_Snap_

"Hey, Evans," said a voice behind them. They turned to see James Potter with a long, navy blue box.

"Hello, Potter," said Lily pleasantly. "How can I help you?"

"Well, Lily, I got you something for your birthday," he said, grinning wildly.

"Oh, you really shouldn't have…"

"It's nothing, really. I saw it and thought you'd like it."

Lily smiled and took the package. "Thank you, Potter."

"No problem, Lily. Just open it."

She did. Inside, in a bed of white petals, lay a crystal replica of a lily. "Oh, it's beautiful," she sighed.

James grinned. "I'm glad you like it."

"You really shouldn't…"

"I know. But I wanted to. Happy Birthday, Lily," he said, turning away.

"Thank you!" she cried after him. She turned back to Snape. "Oh, Sev, isn't it beautiful?"

"Yeah," snapped Snape, "It's great."

She looked at him confused. "What's with you, Sev?"

"Why are you so nice to Potter? You know what he's like."

"No, Severus, I know what you think he's like. He's a rather sweet boy to me. Well, excluding that first day on the train," she admitted.

"He's only nice to you because you've struck his fancy," growled Snape.

"So what? Why does it matter?" asked Lily.

Severus, filled with rage, took the crystal lily and flung it to the ground, where it shattered into a million pieces. "Because he's bad, Lily!" he yelled.

Lily looked at him, shocked and speechless. Severus stormed out of the room. Lily knelt down and began picking up the glass. Suddenly, a pair of hands started helping her. She looked up, expecting Sev, and instead saw James.

"James. I… I'm so…"

"Don't worry, Evans. I saw the whole thing," he said with a small smile.

"But it must've cost…"

"Shh, Evans," he grinned. "Watch." Pointing at the pieces, he said, "Reparo."

Handing Lily the new crystal lily, he said, "See you around, Evans," and then left.

June 1978

He took a long, deep breath. He wasn't quite sure if he wanted to do this anymore, but he knew he had to, knew that he'd regret it if he didn't.

He walked slowly to the portrait of one of the previous headmasters. He then knocked along the side of the frame. He heard several loud footsteps, and then the passageway opened.

"Snape?" asked James, rather confused. "What're you doing here?"

Severus Snape looked James Potter in the eyes. "May I please speak with Lily?" he asked, his hatred for the boy disappearing for a moment.

James looked at Snape with pity. "Sure, Severus. Come on in."

February 14 1974

"Sev, I'm sorry. I have a date. You know that."

Snape looked in her green eyes that dance with excitement for the date mentioned. "But, it's not like you'll even have that great of a time. Seriously, Amos Diggory is so unbelievably boring."

"I find him rather endearing, Sev. He's a very nice boy," said Lily as she started plucking the grass beneath her.

"What about me?" he asked.

She gave him a withering look. "Find yourself a girl, Sev. Spend the day with her."

They were silent for a moment, both staring in opposite directions.

"I love you. Lily."

"I love you too, Sev."

His heart beat quickened. "Really?"

"Well, yeah Sev. You're like a brother to me. You're my best friends. And you always will be," she said, giving Snape a hug.

His heart dropped. But he wouldn't let Lily know. He couldn't. He didn't want to ruin this promise of forever. "Okay," he said. "Go get ready for your date." He stood up and ushered her away.

"Thanks, Sev. See you," she cried as she ran to the castle.

He stared after her, her fiery red hair whipping in the wind, and her arms and legs moving as if she were flying.

He's show her. He'd show her that he was endearing, nice, and everything she'd want in a man.

He'd show her.

June 1978

Slowly, he walked up the small staircase, with James walking in front of him. "Lily," said James, "You have a visitor."

Severus reached the top of the staircase to see a small party was going on. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Frank, Alice, and Lily, his Lily, were all sitting around the hearth of the fireplace, looking as if they were having a great time. However, their smiles and laughter diminished as the saw him, but most of all, Lily's.

"What is it, Snape?" asked Lily, acknowledging him for the first time in almost two years.

He looked at their faces. None of them were quite sure what was going on. "Can we talk? Alone?" he asked quietly, with a kind of fear he had always refused to show in the presence of the Marauders.

"What about?" she asked, standing up with her arms crossed and her emerald eyes piercing him.

"Please," he said, even quieter then before. She looked at Snape for a moment, as if trying to decipher a puzzle. She turned to her friends and James, and said in a new tone, "I'll be right back."

June 1976

"Lily, you know I didn't mean for it to happen," he said outside of the Gryffindor Common Room.

"I don't care anymore. I don't want to talk to you again. Please, Severus, just go," said Lily with her back against the wall.

"But, Lily…"

"No, Snape. It's alright. I understand who you are now. I'm going to deal with it. But I don't' want to be around someone like you. I'm going to be better than that. So, go, Snape, and leave me alone."

"But, Lily. We're best friends. I love you. Please."

"Go, Severus, and if you really love me, then don't ever come near me again. At least, in honor of the past, respect that. Pleas." She turned and went back through the hole and left Snape there.

He stared after her. His legs collapsed and he lied there, crying for what he had lost.

June 1978

"What are you doing here, Snape?" she asked tiredly.

"I want to apologize, one final time, and beg you for forgiveness," he said.

"Snape…" she sighed.

"Please, Lily," she said, as a tear rolled down his face. "I need this. I don't think I will be able to make it out there without it. I just… I just need to know that you don't hate me."

Lily let out a soft sigh. "I don't hate you. I'm just disappointed. Disappointed of what happened between us, what we lost, and who you have become. That's all Snape. No hate."

"I didn't want this, Lily," he said, more tears rolling down.

Lily's face mimicked Snape's. "Neither did I, Sev. Neither did I, but this is how it happened. Just go on with your life, and remember the good times. Can you do that, Sev?"

"All I'll have are memories…"

"Yes," said Lily, "but very happy ones. Remember the past, Sev, when you can't stand the future."

"But I want you in my future Lily…" said Snape, looking down.

"I can't, Sev. I can't and I'm sorry. You're going down a path that I am not, and won't. But I know you'll make it. You're strong, Sev. I just can't go with you. We're not the same anymore. I'm sorry."

"I am too Lily. I'll miss you," he said, taking a step towards her.

"I'll miss you too, Sev. Have a great life," she said, pulling him into a hug.

"You too, Lily. You too," he squeezed tighter. "See you around."

Lily took a step back. "Bye, Sev," she contradicted.

He looked at her one final time before turning away. "Bye Lily. I love you."

As the door shut behind him, Lily stared at where he had been standing. And with this final good-bye, she looked to her dresser, where a framed picture of a birthday several years ago was sitting.

"Good-bye," she whispered to the picture as she slowly turned in face down, and wiped her tears

January 30 1992

He was kneeled down before the tombstone and stared at the name on it as he brushed his fingers across the cool stone.

Lily Potter

"I saw him, Lily. I saw him. He's so much like his father. He really is. All except for his eyes. Those are yours.

"I miss you more everyday. I know I hadn't seen you years before…but at least I knew you were alive. Now…

"It's been almost fourteen years since I heard your voice. I can't bear it. I need you, Lily. I really do.

"I always told you I loved your eyes best. And now…I've been living with only our memories. But your son…Harry…I can feel you in him.

"And now, I don't just have memories. I also, now, have you eyes to look into.

"Oh, and one more thing.

"Happy Birthday, Lily."

_A/N Love it? Hate it? Review!_


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